Sometimes when I open my mouth to speak, lies come out. I don't enjoy lying and I've prayed for help to overcome it. I'm still a work in progress cuz "HE ain't through with me yet." That being said, let me also say this...while I tend to mislead people with my spoken words, I find that when I sit down to write about stuff ( doesn't matter what I'm writing), I tend to be very sincere.Don't know why that is. I find myself writing what I really think, what/how I really feel, what I want etc...Needless to say, this has come back to bite me in the ass a couple of times. But I always feel lighter after writing.
For the most part, I write a lot of nonsense. However, every once in a while I write something so beautiful and honest. I've always used writing as a way to deal with stuff, you know..from keeping dairies ( that always got me into trouble when I was younger :-)...), to writing angry poems, love poems...and sometimes even stories. It gives me a chance to escape. I write bout everything, even things I don't necessarily believe in...e.g love. I do believe in the love above....and love between a mother and her child....because I've experienced both. As far as I am concerned every other love is tainted. This is because we don't know how to love. But when I really sit down to write, I write about a kind of love that is so pure, sincere, and free , love without tears.
It makes me happy to imagine that I could find this type of love. It's all fiction of course but for that moment when I'm spinning my imagination into words, I'm taken into this world where it is all possible. And yes I have to deal with reality soon after but that moment of escape helps me deal.I guess what I'm saying is that everyone needs to find something/someone that helps them escape the big mess that is this space all around us. Sometimes I say I'll stop writing but then I think ...what then can I do to make myself happy? Some people sing but my voice sucks donkey balls (forgive my language-Southpark overload).
I once wrote what I thought was A VERY BEAUTIFUL poem for someone I cared very deeply for.....but I think I may have spooked this person and we don't talk anymore, lol....I thought I'd stop after that....but all that really did was make me want to write more. Maybe eventually I'll be able to spin my words more beautifully so that I can reach/touch other people with it and it wont just be another piece of crap I've written just because I couldn't sleep. Kinda like this long ass note....
For the most part, I write a lot of nonsense. However, every once in a while I write something so beautiful and honest. I've always used writing as a way to deal with stuff, you know..from keeping dairies ( that always got me into trouble when I was younger :-)...), to writing angry poems, love poems...and sometimes even stories. It gives me a chance to escape. I write bout everything, even things I don't necessarily believe in...e.g love. I do believe in the love above....and love between a mother and her child....because I've experienced both. As far as I am concerned every other love is tainted. This is because we don't know how to love. But when I really sit down to write, I write about a kind of love that is so pure, sincere, and free , love without tears.
It makes me happy to imagine that I could find this type of love. It's all fiction of course but for that moment when I'm spinning my imagination into words, I'm taken into this world where it is all possible. And yes I have to deal with reality soon after but that moment of escape helps me deal.I guess what I'm saying is that everyone needs to find something/someone that helps them escape the big mess that is this space all around us. Sometimes I say I'll stop writing but then I think ...what then can I do to make myself happy? Some people sing but my voice sucks donkey balls (forgive my language-Southpark overload).
I once wrote what I thought was A VERY BEAUTIFUL poem for someone I cared very deeply for.....but I think I may have spooked this person and we don't talk anymore, lol....I thought I'd stop after that....but all that really did was make me want to write more. Maybe eventually I'll be able to spin my words more beautifully so that I can reach/touch other people with it and it wont just be another piece of crap I've written just because I couldn't sleep. Kinda like this long ass note....
2 comments:
what helps me deal? sleep!:)
when i feel like i'm drowning. i leave the situation and go to sleep. when i wake up, it's still there of course but i'm not as stressed.
i have succeeded in reading ur entire blog. write some more ok.
Love i think is always perceived from the ideal(when we are young), untill life happens. You love a guy/girl and they mess up or you subscribe to cosmopolitan mag and they give you a manual, several other scenarious later and you wonder what they essence is afterall. But really, no one person should be able to change our perception, our chance. we keep dealing. and I deal cos i know someone out there is dealing just for me....Mighty writting Allison
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