I know that the world does not stop for anyone....and who am I to ask it to pause while I catch my breath? That is asking too much. But is it too much to ask that the universe cuts me some slack every once in a while. I know everyone has problems but come on, throw in one more glitch and my life officially becomes a tragedy. Why can't I get away with one or two things? Life is filled with ups and downs. Where have all my ups gone to????I see some arrogant bastards waltzin' through this life not having to fight for anything...and while some eventually come to a road block, some get away with it. What makes them different? Why does it seem like I'm being singled out here? One struggle after another.
That's life for a whole lot of people. I know. Still, knowing that doesn't make it ok, or any easier to handle. I've met all kinds of people. I've met some amazing people, I've met a lot of assholes. And for some reason, the assholes always seem to be better off. Now I know all that stuff about karma and all but in the real world I don't think everyone gets their just deserts. For crying out loud, I am a good person!!!!!! Why don't things EVER go the way I want them to? Now, before I start sounding like a spoilt kid who wants what she wants when she wants it, let me say this: I am not asking for anything out of the ordinary here...I'm not asking that all that my heart desires, it gets. I am asking that once in a while, I have a reason to genuinely smile. You know? Smile from the inside. I'm asking that 24hrs go by without me having to make or not make any decisions that could potentially destroy the rest of my life.
Maybe I'm asking too much. Maybe I think that just because I'm a woman trying to find her way in this crazy ass world alone, I deserve some kind of a break. There are a lot of people who go through some deep shit and they conquer and come out on top. That's awesome. I am the way I am. I'm not always strong. Sometimes I break under pressure. But I love myself because I don't stop. I always get up ( with the help of family and very few close friends) and keep going. But I'm supposed to see some kind of light at the end of this tunnel. Still pitch dark. I can count on one hand the number of people who truly know exactly some of the nonsense I've been through. You know what's amazing? They know these things about me and they are still here. Some are gone (and good riddance too).
I have some pretty awesome friends and my family is just amazing. I have people I call in the middle of the night crying for no apparent reason, and they put up with it!! hahahahaha. I'm blessed in that way. This in the only reason why despite all the crap the universe tosses at me, I wake up every morning ready to give things another shot. I'm working hard now to make sure that I can't be faulted for not trying. Life is still full of bull and annoyingly fortunate people :-), but I deal. If for nothing else, for the people who love me, who are watching my face closely to see if that wrinkle is a smile or a frown, the people to whom I owe what little happiness I have. It doesn't cost much to smile. I just hope that one day, they will see a true smile and not the lie that I slap on my face every now and again.
That's life for a whole lot of people. I know. Still, knowing that doesn't make it ok, or any easier to handle. I've met all kinds of people. I've met some amazing people, I've met a lot of assholes. And for some reason, the assholes always seem to be better off. Now I know all that stuff about karma and all but in the real world I don't think everyone gets their just deserts. For crying out loud, I am a good person!!!!!! Why don't things EVER go the way I want them to? Now, before I start sounding like a spoilt kid who wants what she wants when she wants it, let me say this: I am not asking for anything out of the ordinary here...I'm not asking that all that my heart desires, it gets. I am asking that once in a while, I have a reason to genuinely smile. You know? Smile from the inside. I'm asking that 24hrs go by without me having to make or not make any decisions that could potentially destroy the rest of my life.
Maybe I'm asking too much. Maybe I think that just because I'm a woman trying to find her way in this crazy ass world alone, I deserve some kind of a break. There are a lot of people who go through some deep shit and they conquer and come out on top. That's awesome. I am the way I am. I'm not always strong. Sometimes I break under pressure. But I love myself because I don't stop. I always get up ( with the help of family and very few close friends) and keep going. But I'm supposed to see some kind of light at the end of this tunnel. Still pitch dark. I can count on one hand the number of people who truly know exactly some of the nonsense I've been through. You know what's amazing? They know these things about me and they are still here. Some are gone (and good riddance too).
I have some pretty awesome friends and my family is just amazing. I have people I call in the middle of the night crying for no apparent reason, and they put up with it!! hahahahaha. I'm blessed in that way. This in the only reason why despite all the crap the universe tosses at me, I wake up every morning ready to give things another shot. I'm working hard now to make sure that I can't be faulted for not trying. Life is still full of bull and annoyingly fortunate people :-), but I deal. If for nothing else, for the people who love me, who are watching my face closely to see if that wrinkle is a smile or a frown, the people to whom I owe what little happiness I have. It doesn't cost much to smile. I just hope that one day, they will see a true smile and not the lie that I slap on my face every now and again.
2 comments:
You should read my blog!
I'm adding you.
Wow, deep!
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