Challenge Your Perception of True Love

I have read my fair share of cosmo magazines. In a lot of them, I have seen articles like “How to meet the Ideal Woman/Man”; “How to Keep them Happy”; “How to keep Your Love,” etc. Every now and again I find one of such articles a good read. However, I have found that the general message is: If you follow these rules outlined below, you will find and keep your (true) love. Now I, and indeed I hope everyone else as well can see that that is simply not the case. In true love, there are no rules. It is filled with uncertainties, reckless abandon and such. There are no 7 ways to meet “The One”…there are no 10 ways to please “The One”… there most certainly are no 5 ways to keep your love as these magazines often suggest. In true love there are no rules that outline who should make what move and when; no pride, no agendas, no contingencies. In true love one is in with both feet and all or nothing.

If you were talking plainly about a successful and perhaps lasting relationship, then some of those cosmo rules may apply. If you are in fact NOT referring to that inexplicably fiery, passionate, often inconvenient, unreasonable yet sincere love, which consumed Elizabeth I and Robert Dudley, then yes- some of those rules may come in handy. They will teach you to identify and nurture attraction, chemistry, compatibility (a.k.a how much crap can we possibly take from each other and still remain cool). The rules will also help you build respect for one another and then help your relationship last for as long as the false sense of passion (brought on by physical attraction & chemistry) holds up. We can only hope that when that fizzles, you are left with enough respect to remain civil to each other.

The cosmo rules will also help you build a relationship that will conform to the norm- boy meets girl, they (allegedly) fall “in love”, get married, have kids, get bored/divorced/die. Society accepts this as the normal pattern a life should take and it is quite sad. For this reason, most will never experience pure, unadulterated love- they are too busy going against nature and conforming to what is “acceptable” to identify true love even when it lands smack dab in their laps. They will never experience that love that [cliché alert] even when it’s wrong it feels right. The feelings in Beethoven’s love letters to his immortal beloved will forever be lost on many. Granted, true love rarely translates into a “steady relationship” or a “happily ever after” affair. This is because as you will find, if in fact you seek, true love is wild and unconcerned with reason and convenience. It does not have much to do with compatibility either. It can strike two most unlikely people at a most inconvenient time. The story of Katie Morosky and Hubbell Gardiner best illustrates this in “The Way We Were.” Indeed, many great loves are short-lived and may end in tragedy but I am convinced enough to make the bold claim that if such lovers are given a second chance, they would still chose their true love experience over any steady, “happy enough”, relationship.

I believe this because by its very nature, TRUE love makes up for every other pain, failure, and imperfections our lives are plagued by. Even to experience it for a day is more than enough to last any mortal a lifetime and beyond. Until we are willing to break the mould and defy the rules we will be doomed to society’s version of love and happiness. Anyone who expects me to outline a number of ways to fall in love, nurture it and keep it is barking up the wrong tree. You can be sure that there are no such set ways to do any of the above. You must be sincere and vulnerable with no “game plan”. That is the only rule I believe. You see, I am currently looking for this love. And I will find it too. So what if my odds are one in a billion? I’ll take my chances. I will not settle for anything less exciting and less dangerous than true love.

He Is Just Not That Into You

Very cliche title, I know. I can't seem to get it out of my head though. Last night, I was watching a program on TV (I can't for the life of me remember what it was about) and one of the speakers had authored a book by the same title. And so I got to thinking- How many of us even entertain this thought? And of those of us who do, how many of us accept it?

First time I heard this line was on the show "Sex and the City." Miranda (for those of you who do not watch the show, Miranda is one of four friends all of whom have been to hell and back relationship-wise and have learnt a thing or two bout men) was having lunch and she couldn't help but over hear these two younger ladies. One was complaining to the other about a man she had gone out with. The fellow still had not called her and she was making excuses for him - his boss got laid off, he's under a lot of stress and he's getting his kitchen re-done.Miranda, having been in such situations herself, walked up to them and said " I'm going to tell you something that will save you a lot of heart ache, something I wish someone had told me when I was younger. He's just not that into you." After saying that or something like that, she walked away. The look on the girl's face suggested that she thought this over, realised it could be true, and just as quickly as she accepted it, she rejected it. Turning to her friend, "What a Bitch!" and her friend doing what most friends do best agreed with her "I know, who asked her. Whatever, he will call you." Can you say "Denial!"

My close friends know just how I love to say random things. I wanted to say this line to someone so bad. I would say it with that yes-I'm-wise look on my face and change someone's life forever. No I would not just say it randomly during a conversation about 'fur vs. faux fur'. I would wait for the perfect time. I would find that confused friend who was hopelessly lovelorn, and then I would look upon them with warmth, pity, sadness and wisdom in my eyes. And I would say to them, "I love you hun, so I must be honest with you, he/she is just not that into you." They would cry, and I would console them, and eventually they would get over it and thank me for the single most liberating phrase anyone has ever put to them.

The task at hand was to find that perfect someone. It was tough. I was surrounded by a lot of single people and a lot of casual daters who couldn't care less. It looked like it would never happen for me. When I decided to move to Toronto, I figured I'd meet more people - in love and lovelorn alike. I got caught up with school and life and I forgot about my quest to be the architect of the defining moment of another's life. That is of course until I saw the phrase again last night. I became excited once more. I told myself I would find that sad person. That person who has had it tough in the relationship department, who has looked for love in all the wrong places, who has been disappointed again and again, who has held on to the belief that "he will come around eventually," who has remained optimistic in a case where optimism is nothing but poison. I would find that boy who explained "Stay away from me, you freak!" as "Awww she's playing hard to get." I would find that girl who explained "The Silent Phone" as "Well I guess he's busy but I know he's thinking of me." That girl who waits patiently for the day he turns around and says "Where have you been all my life?"And when I find her I would change her life forever with those seven words "He Is Just Not That Into You."

Happy with the rekindled interest in my mission, I got up from my bed and thought to myself "I'll go take a shower, sleep, and when I wake up, I'll begin my search. I must find that person and complete my mission." I walked into the bathroom and I looked in the mirror. I caught my breath as I saw staring back at me the very girl I had been looking for. Mission accomplished!