I will start with the most important. I have of late been trying to re-discover God. It has not been going too well. It seems I am too stubborn and set in my ways, very afraid of the change that comes with walking with Him. I keep looking at it the wrong way. Thinking about the wrong things: "Look at ALL I have to give up just to walk with Him" as opposed to "Oh wow! Look what Jesus sacrificed for me to have a fighting chance at salvation!"
I feel very guilty too because it is not as if I have not been receiving help from Him. Every day since the beginning of my attempt to re-discover Him, there has been one pleasant surprise after another in my life. Every day there's been some proof of first of all, His existence, and then His overwhelming love for me. I feel His hands guiding me always. And yet when that small cautioning voice tries to stop me from doing things or saying things I should not be doing or saying, I simply just ignore it.
I know I'm not going to change overnight and I know He's not going to give up on me either but a huge part of me wishes I could just be much closer to him instantly. I want to be able to look at the people whose mission it is to just piss me right off every day and go "You know what, I'm cool with God so I'm going to let that slide"
When I look at people who are so comfortable with their relationship with God, I feel like I'm missing out on so much. Every day I learn how to pray better in the hopes that this will draw me closer to Him. However, in the last couple of days, I have not done much praying. I have also been feeling.... less - than - christian. What with the feelings I've been having including and definitely not limited to resentment, anger and an overwhelming urge to pour hot coffee in someone's face (yes, I praise him with the same mouth, what's your point?).
Arghhhh, I'm a work in progress!
The other thing I have not wanted to think about in a while is Love. Ah love! Love knows me by name now. And so does the Pain it brings with it. Let me just say that Love SUCKS!!! Big time! Having said that, I will also say this, LOVE ROCKS!!! Clearly I have issues but let's not get into that right now. Love sucks because it is unfair. Unfair in the sense that even when someone screws you over, you still have to love them and wish them well (of course I mean true love in this case). Do you get the hell away from the person, though? Absolutely! But you still have to Love them and pray for them etc.
Now love rocks because when you love the right way and the right people or person the feeling is just out of this world. And your whole world by default just seems so much brighter. Ah, with all the other things going wrong and upsetting me, I have to say I am quite happy. I have so much love in my life: My amazing family, my friends (the good ones though, not the ones that make me want to take out my anger on puppies), my man, and most importantly, my God. Yeah, Love Rules!!!
My flu has forced me to rekindle my love affair with teas: Green, Black, White, Oolong, etc. Girls, the best thing you can do for your skin really is tea! Dudes too but no one really cares about you and your skin:) It's a really really cheap way to get a lot of the anti-oxidants you need. My mom, the Queen of everything tea, has amazing skin. My brothers and I have made fun of her excessive tea drinking in the past. Who's laughing now? I'm so embarrassed - my mom has better skin than I, a young girl of 16. Fine, I'll give you 20. Lesson here? Drink tea! Lots and lots of tea. By the way it also helps with other things like improved fat metabolism. Cheap way to stay in shape:)
(Ok I'm going to pause here and issue a little disclaimer: I am not saying that tea is going to help you drop 50lbs in two weeks. Slowly put down the cheese cake and step away from the table)
Moving on....
Lately I have found myself being impatient when I'm trying to find a matching 2nd for a sock. As a result I have been going around with mismatched socks. Let me just say that it's not that bad, it's even a little cute. This piece of information is neither here nor there I realize but I just thought I'd share.
Finally, I miss MissJ:(
Oh and also I'm addicted to plantain chips - I am currently getting help for that.
My flu has forced me to rekindle my love affair with teas: Green, Black, White, Oolong, etc. Girls, the best thing you can do for your skin really is tea! Dudes too but no one really cares about you and your skin:) It's a really really cheap way to get a lot of the anti-oxidants you need. My mom, the Queen of everything tea, has amazing skin. My brothers and I have made fun of her excessive tea drinking in the past. Who's laughing now? I'm so embarrassed - my mom has better skin than I, a young girl of 16. Fine, I'll give you 20. Lesson here? Drink tea! Lots and lots of tea. By the way it also helps with other things like improved fat metabolism. Cheap way to stay in shape:)
(Ok I'm going to pause here and issue a little disclaimer: I am not saying that tea is going to help you drop 50lbs in two weeks. Slowly put down the cheese cake and step away from the table)
Moving on....
Lately I have found myself being impatient when I'm trying to find a matching 2nd for a sock. As a result I have been going around with mismatched socks. Let me just say that it's not that bad, it's even a little cute. This piece of information is neither here nor there I realize but I just thought I'd share.
Finally, I miss MissJ:(
Oh and also I'm addicted to plantain chips - I am currently getting help for that.
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